By Ken Frederick
If you're reading this, chances are social anxiety has been running your life for way too long.
Maybe you've canceled plans at the last minute because the thought of showing up felt impossible. Maybe you've rehearsed a simple conversation in your head fifty times before having it. Maybe you've convinced yourself that everyone else has this "being social" thing figured out, and you're the only one struggling.
I get it. Because I've been there.
This guide isn't about becoming a different person. It's about taking small, manageable steps that actually work.
Social anxiety isn't just "being shy." It's a very real response your brain has to perceived threats. Your nervous system is trying to protect you, it's just a bit overzealous.
Take a moment. Check your top triggers:
I commit to taking one small action each day for 30 days, being honest with myself, and celebrating progress no matter how small.
Days 1-7: Getting Started. The first week is about awareness and tiny actions. Nothing scary yet.
Action: Spend 10 minutes journaling about these questions:
Why this matters: You can't change what you don't understand.
Action: Set a timer for 5 minutes. Close your eyes and scan your body from head to toe. Notice any tension without trying to fix it.
Practice this: Before any social situation this week.
Action: Make eye contact with one person today and genuinely smile. Could be a cashier, neighbor, or stranger. No conversation required.
Action: Set a timer for 10 minutes. Write down every social worry in your head. Don't filter, just dump it all out.
Then ask yourself: "What evidence do I have that these thoughts are true?"
Action: When someone asks "How are you?" give a two-word real answer instead of "fine" or "good."
Examples: "I’m Pretty tired” or "I’m Really excited for [X]."
Action: Notice when you compare yourself to others today. Each time you catch yourself, write it down.
At the end of the day, ask: "What would change if I stopped comparing?"
Action: Answer these questions:
Days 8-14: Building Social Muscles. This week we're practicing brief, low-stakes interactions.
Action: Ask someone one genuine question today. Could be a coworker, barista, or friend.
Example: "How's your day going?" or "What are your thoughts on [Event]?" Then actually listen.
Action: When you think of something to say, say it within 3 seconds (before your brain talks you out of it). Try it twice today.
Action: Send a voice note instead of a text to someone you trust. Scared of how you sound? Perfect. That's the point.
Action: Give one genuine compliment to someone today. Be specific.
Action: Have a 2-minute conversation with someone. Set a timer if needed. Topics: surroundings, weekend plans, their day.
Action: In a conversation today, let there be a pause. Don't rush to fill it. Count to 3 before speaking.
Action: Answer honestly: Which interaction felt easiest? Hardest? What did I learn about myself?
Days 15-21: Leveling Up. This week gets a bit harder. Growth happens at the edge of comfort.
Action: Reach out to someone first. Text, call, or message someone you haven't talked to in a while. You make the first move.
Action: Say something in a group setting. Even if it's just "I feel the same way" or asking a clarifying question.
Action: Make one phone call instead of texting. Order food, make an appointment, or call a friend.
Action: Share something real with someone. A fear, struggle, hope, or honest feeling.
Action: Maintain eye contact during a conversation. When you want to look away, stay just 2 seconds longer.
Action: If you usually say yes to avoid conflict, practice saying no. If you usually say no to avoid anxiety, say yes. Do the one that scares you.
Action: What took the most courage? What surprised me about myself?
Days 22-30: Making It Stick. This is about integrating what you've learned into actual life.
Action: Attend one social gathering. Even if you only stay 20 minutes. Show up.
Action: Initiate a conversation with someone new or someone you don't know well. Ask about them.
Action: Follow up with someone after a conversation. "Hey, it was nice talking to you."
Action: Tell someone what you need today. "Actually, I'd prefer..." or "Could you help me with...?"
Action: Tell someone about a win or something you're proud of. Don't downplay it.
Action: Do something social where there's a chance it might not go perfectly. Then reflect: "Failure" is just data.
Action: Have a slightly difficult conversation. Give feedback or express disagreement. Stay kind, but be honest.
Action: Make plans with someone for next week. You initiate. You schedule. You commit.
Action: Journal: How do I feel now vs. Day 1? What is the biggest shift I've noticed?
Use these when anxiety hits.
Ground yourself in the moment:
Anxious thought: "Everyone thinks I'm awkward"
Challenge it:
"I'm feeling anxious right now, and that's okay. My body is trying to protect me, but I'm actually safe. This feeling will pass, it always does. I don't need to be perfect. I just need to be present."
30 days isn't a cure. But you've proven to yourself that you can do hard things.
If you need more than a PDF/Website, real transformation requires real support.
Supportive group, daily chat, weekly Zoom calls.
Next Start: January 18, 2026
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Tag me when you complete challenges! #SocialAnxietySurvivalGuide